2 min readDec 17, 2020

In light of these…

I’m struggling

I hate this feeling of being alone, it scares me a lot more than death. For years I’ve lived alone in a shell, to find purpose I do a lot of things and drown myself in learning, work and recently cutting.

I know I’ve always struggled with feelings of loneliness and deep sadness, now more than ever I realize how much I need people and to recharge, sadly this isn’t the case for me cos I struggle with human connections. I feel lost a lot more than I can count.

The last couple of days have been difficult, I’m alone now more than ever, can’t help it. I’m sad very sad and for the first I wished everyone was gone and I could cut, cos like they say pain demands to be felt.

I dunno how long I can stay like this and even more how long I’d be lucky to escape being suicidal.

I don’t know what to do and even more how to react to a lot of things, it’s tiring and utterly draining. It’s been more than a week of constant migraine and yesterday I downed about 4 capsules of soudrex and 3 capsules of paracetamol, it took those to get my head back and it’s not just that. I still don’t get why I get headaches and why they are so severe, maybe it’s why I’m fatigued and mentally drained.

Its 2:02am and I think I’d lie down till sleep takes over if it will.




Thoughts. Feelings. 👩‍💻 Dev. Mental Health.