On the past couple of days, its concepts to prove and how I’ve handled them…
Growing up with a father who was very distant and whose only focus was on “what people will say”, I always question first what will people say about any actions I take, even for ones that have no side effects that might involve other people, well thanks to Azeez, I’ve started to do things just cos they make me happy and they’re good for me, while I think of people, its not the only defining factor.
Soma’s gone and somehow I’m not sure I handled that well so I did the only thing I knew how to, take more work that I can handle, working day and night well until today. Now that i think on it, I think its easy to say I miss her and all but truth is, I was bad for her and to be honest bad for everyone. Somehow I just wanted her “to be there and not there”, it’s weird and I’m still not sure of what I want and why… So I’m currently avoiding all emotional attachments to anyone.
I moved into a new place, and frankly it’s not been anything I envisaged. I moved into a new place to face something I’ve always struggled with, feelings of loneliness, somehow I thought well if I’m always feeling lonely then maybe if I actually stay alone then I’d find a fix to it and actually face it head-on but that’s not been the case. Got folks who are stranded and need a place they can squat for the time, friends who are developers and come around a lot to power their laptops and work while on it. That’s going to be settled in the next couple of days tho and then I’d enjoy the serenity that comes from being alone.
I’m currently playing Juice Wrld, yeah his entire collection and I’m not sure why this is here tho, these days I’ve come to find certain peace from listening to him, Aurora and London Grammar, still feel lonely in the midst of friends but I’m sure in the next couple of days I’d be fine and figure it out.
Till then, Peace!